I seem to be randomly jumping all over the place as far as topics go. It can be a bit unnerving if you (or anyone) happens to be following this blog. For that I'm sorry. I do have the full desire to get this into a regular habit and, not to make an excuse, there are a lot of things that I'm trying to get sorted out before I can get into making this a regular and ongoing blog.
There was something that happened the other day that has been rolling around in my head for a little while now and was bugging me to no end, to the point where I feel I need to make a post about it.
Its about the ex (duck and cover, works for nuclear bombs apparently), or the ex-wife or she who shall not be named (if the case may be). There are a lot of guys/girls out there who have problems or difficulties with their ex(s). There are also some out there who get along with their ex and there are others still who are very close friends with their ex. At this point I fall into the 'I get along with my ex' category. For reasons I don't want to get into I find it difficult to look far enough ahead to say I can graduate up to the 'I'm very close to my ex or bff' stage. I though I'd be in that last stage with her but I'm beginning to see that that is not quite the case.
Now the stage I'm in with her plays an important role in this topic. The other day my ex dropped by my apartment, she was in town and needed a pause in the running around she was doing. Not a problem. We chatted a little bit, she asked about how my mother was doing, how my little guy was, talked about work and some other general conversation. Where things got uncomfortable for me was when she said that she was in town because she had a bladder infection. Now that statement wasn't uncomfortable it was what followed it that was where my stomach turned. She said normally bladder infections are cause by having sex, which pushes bacteria up 'there'. She went on to overly affirm that she isn't and hasn't been having sex.
Looking back at that point I should have asked her to leave at that point. I'm really not interested in knowing if she is or isn't having sex or/and seeing anyone. It's not even the fact that we've only been separated a month it is more the fact that it's a subject that I don't feel is appropriate to bring up in my presence. That kind of information is precisely why I'm trying to keep her at a distance. I still care a lot for her, at the same time I also have a lot of unresolved feelings toward things that she did during in/to our marriage. I don't honestly know if I will ever be able to talk to her about relationships outside of the one her and I had, I just think its not something I'd deal with properly. I would keep having flashes of jealousy or anger, resentment, toward the fact that our marriage dissolved.
I do want to be her friend but at the same time when things like what happened the other day come up I really have to stop and consider if it is really worth while to be her friend, especially when I'm putting my own happiness at stake for it.
Peace,
ClX
There was something that happened the other day that has been rolling around in my head for a little while now and was bugging me to no end, to the point where I feel I need to make a post about it.
Its about the ex (duck and cover, works for nuclear bombs apparently), or the ex-wife or she who shall not be named (if the case may be). There are a lot of guys/girls out there who have problems or difficulties with their ex(s). There are also some out there who get along with their ex and there are others still who are very close friends with their ex. At this point I fall into the 'I get along with my ex' category. For reasons I don't want to get into I find it difficult to look far enough ahead to say I can graduate up to the 'I'm very close to my ex or bff' stage. I though I'd be in that last stage with her but I'm beginning to see that that is not quite the case.
Now the stage I'm in with her plays an important role in this topic. The other day my ex dropped by my apartment, she was in town and needed a pause in the running around she was doing. Not a problem. We chatted a little bit, she asked about how my mother was doing, how my little guy was, talked about work and some other general conversation. Where things got uncomfortable for me was when she said that she was in town because she had a bladder infection. Now that statement wasn't uncomfortable it was what followed it that was where my stomach turned. She said normally bladder infections are cause by having sex, which pushes bacteria up 'there'. She went on to overly affirm that she isn't and hasn't been having sex.
Looking back at that point I should have asked her to leave at that point. I'm really not interested in knowing if she is or isn't having sex or/and seeing anyone. It's not even the fact that we've only been separated a month it is more the fact that it's a subject that I don't feel is appropriate to bring up in my presence. That kind of information is precisely why I'm trying to keep her at a distance. I still care a lot for her, at the same time I also have a lot of unresolved feelings toward things that she did during in/to our marriage. I don't honestly know if I will ever be able to talk to her about relationships outside of the one her and I had, I just think its not something I'd deal with properly. I would keep having flashes of jealousy or anger, resentment, toward the fact that our marriage dissolved.
I do want to be her friend but at the same time when things like what happened the other day come up I really have to stop and consider if it is really worth while to be her friend, especially when I'm putting my own happiness at stake for it.
Peace,
ClX
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