The Foodstore

With things starting to settle down some in my life I feel like I can get this blog back on track and get out of it what I want.
Up front the last week and a half has not been easy.  I do have to be thankful that the most recent events in my life happened over the course of my Vacation and leading up to my vacation.  If not for it happening now I really don't know how I would have been able to cope with things or even how I would have been able to sort them out.
It has been amazing, since my mom went into the hospital, how people have really opened up a lot of time and effort to ensure that my son and I have been in the proper frame of mind to deal with things and to continue moving forward through the massive changes that have taken place in my life over the last few weeks.
To everyone that has offered me help I thank them greatly, it has meant a lot to me and my family over the last little while.

Something that I wanted to touch on that I have begun to notice is the massive decline in some of the associated costs of life.  Best example being my food bill.  I have noticed that it has halved, in some cases comes up even less, and I'm actually buying food for the future, not just for immediate use.  I am able to pre-plan things and store some stuff away for another time.  I've got food in my fridge that won't be used for over a week from now and its still amazing me.  When I was still together with my wife and her kids the food that was being bought was for use that week, it would last through the week and like clock work we would have to head to the grocery store on Sunday and get more food.  I'm still in the habit of going to the grocery store on Sunday but at this point there are a few things that are for use now and then there is another mindset that is stuff that can be used in the future.  Some of the stuff that is on sale that I picked up I know will be used but it may not be for a week or more, its stored away.  Its something that I honestly didn't expect and didn't expect myself to get into or even see myself doing.  I can see a horizon out of this as well, my little man has school coming up in September and there will be things that I need to get on a more regular basis in order to feed him for school but at the same time buying a thing of juice boxes means that he will have enough to last him for two weeks, buying 2 packages of juice boxes will cover him for an entire month....asounding and unexpected.  I see where the money in this area is being saved and where it opens up so much more possibilities in how my money will be able to work for me.

Related to all of this with the money and the groceries I was in a mindset that was very restrictive.  Dealing with money was a very precise thing in the past with my wife and the attached family, now I am able to think more 3 dimensional with it.  I will be able to put more away and put more toward debt and releasing myself from my credit card that is stuck in collections.  Its going to be a bit of a slow process to get that dealt with but I have confidence that it will get worked out and that I will be able to see that diminish over the course of the next couple of months.

I'm going to leave this post here for the moment.  There is more depth I want to get into on the opening up of assets but as I am still working out logistics dealing with my family I think it best to leave this post as is.  There is more to come and more to be talked about, in time.

For now,

Peace.

ClX

Time Away

Unfortunately that last few days have had me pushed to the max as far as life has been concerned.
This past Wednesday Night/Thursday Morning my mom attempted suicide.  This has made things very active as far as my life goes, as I'm still trying to get things organized and settled in my own home.  With the major change/challenge that her attempted suicide has presented it has really given me the vision that I'm going to have to go at this single father thing more on my own than I had at first realized.  It's not that I wasn't attempting it before, with my mom in the picture she was able to assist when needed as far as watching my little guy when I had to go to work and when I had to do certain things.  Now that landscape has drastically changed and I'm going to have to start looking into other places where I can make the proper connections so that there is a network of people that I trust and that can take care of my son when I do have to work.
I've had a few offers from people that I feel would be able to and that would be able to handle and discipline him in the proper way when I'm not around.  Not to say that he's a bad kid, like any kid though he does need the proper rules set and in place so that he isn't getting into the habit of doing things that he shouldn't be doing.

There has been a lot that has happened over the last few days and a lot of interesting occurrences that I could spend a long time going on about.  Based on the nature of the last few days I'd like to just hold off and try getting back into the process of doing my blogging in the morning after I get up and then taking the day from there.  A lot of what has happened recently will have to be put in the 'future post' column of what I want to get into with this blog, for now I think just keeping it short and updated is the important thing.

Peace,

ClX

The Tooth Fairy and and Old Man

I want to set a precedence early on with this blog.  I have some ideas on what I want to write about from day to day (though I may not post an entry every day) based on what is and had happened to me.  There is a lot that I want to cover and a lot I want to get out so that others can use it, hopefully, in a way that is able to assist them.  Rarely though will I know for sure what I'm going to write about until I sit down and start the blog.  I don't want readers to get the idea that my next post is going to be about 'how red balloons actually make boys go faster' or 'what I did to make sure my son turned out to be city worker'.  There may be times that I do give an indication on what I'm going to post the next time around but that will be a rare occasion and odds are it will only happen if there is something that I really feel needs to be covered in a near immediate fashion.

Tooth Fairy
Last night I got to play Tooth Fairy for the first time.  It wasn't for his first lost tooth though, his first tooth was lost the beginning of July when he was visiting my sister and her boyfriend for a week and he happened to swallow it.  This time around the tooth came right out in his breakfast cereal so there was no problems in that area, we had a tooth to exchange for money.
The problem with being the Tooth Fairy, I find, is the sneaky part.  Creeping into your kids room and switching a tooth in exchange for money.  Granted the kid is excited about what they get the next morning but the whole process seems a little strange.  Does it not seem odd for a small woman, a fairy, to steal into a child's room at night and take their teeth away to some mysterious fate and in exchange the kids is left some pocket change.
There is that inevitable question, what does the tooth fairy do with the teeth.
I've heard some imaginative and inventive answers, I've not had to come up with an answer yet since the question hasn't been asked to me.  Do I know what I would answer, when I am asked?  Not yet and not really, I'll make it up as I go along.
Was I happy to be able to be the tooth fairy for my little guy?
For sure.  It's exciting to see how such little things can matter and really make an impact on them as they grow and get older.  At some point he'll find out the truth and realize that it was made-up kid stuff but until then its something exciting he gets to be part of and all he has to do is grow.

An Old Man
This is something that falls in a bridge between Forward and Backward (see previous post).  The old man that I'm speaking of is my boss at work, Bud.  He's an excellent man to talk to because of his life experience and people skills.  At 76 years old he's still going strong and at this point could easily match people half his age in a lot of ways.
Why am I bringing up Bud in this blog?
Because I've talked to him about my current situation.  He's aware of the point I am in within my life and the obstacles I have ahead of me as well as behind me.  He's aware of what I went through with my ex-wife as well as what she is doing at this point forward.  I've gotten some interesting and curious insights from him, at the same time he's given me areas to look into and think about that I otherwise would have overlooked had I not had the chance to interact with him.  My main reason for bringing him up though is because of something that happened yesterday, while talking with him, that made me think a little in a new direction.
How things have changed between older and newer generations when it comes to relationships and marriage.
Along the subject of unfaithful spouse (obviously my ex-wife was the topic of discussion, at this point I want to point out it was a conversation about how it happened and why she might have done it, it wasn't a negative conversation along the lines of "I hate her...she's evil", more of a philosophical discussion on the topic).
Bud made it clear that if there was even the slightest indication, to him, that his wife had ever cheated on him, just the slightest, he would have been up and gone in a second.  To me that seems a little harsh and quick to act.  In my mind that would be the exact reason a relationship would fall apart, something happening that may actually be mistaken by one party and the whole thing just implodes.
In my marriage there was a lay over period, a working point where I tried to gather as much information as I could to ensure that things weren't mistaken, that I wasn't getting the wrong in incorrect information, that I wasn't just linking things together that shouldn't have actually have been linked together because of paranoia.
That's where I saw a difference, at least between myself and Bud.  He's a very strong individual and very driven to be active and keep himself going, for the most part I am too, in different ways than him but with the same overall goals.  I know that I'm more laid back and contemplative toward my goals where he is very push to get to it and its clearly worked for him.
I'm happy that I took the time to look into what was happening with my ex-wife, I didn't like a lot of what I found but it erased a lot of the questions and unsurity (I don't think that's a real word) that I had when I confronted her about what was going on and allowed me to clearly decide on my next steps forward.
My approach may not have been for everyone but I'm glad I took it.

For now.

Peace,

ClX

Backward and Forward

I want to fill in a little more background information on what I'm going through before moving forward into what is happening now and some of the things I've accomplished for myself.

Backward
Honestly at first I was really hateful that my wife would cheat on me with an ex-boyfriend of hers.  At the time I would have been happy if she'd fallen off a cliff or ended up dead due to some horrible, random, accident.  I got over it with time.  When I say I got over it I mean that I don't hate her anymore.
Does that mean that I've forgiven what she's done?
Yes and no.  I've come to terms with it but it doesn't mean that I've completely forgiven her for it and I truly don't know if I ever will.  I was incredibly happy with her and 'our' family (there are reasons that I will explain in a future post for our being tagged).  I loved her and truly enjoyed the time I spent with her.  When I found out what she had done and what she was continuing to do I crushed me.  It really hurt me bad.  To her it was a big joke, she laughed and joked about what she was doing, writing email messages on how horribly fun it is to do what she was doing.
It was very difficult for me to understand and even now I don't entirely get it, I'm not sure if I ever will.
Today though I'm good.  I still get hit every so often with some pain from what she did, the good ol' ego sticking it to me I suspect.  I deal with it though, I try and find the positive and work my way around it.

Forward
More recently I've made a few accomplishments in my life that I am proud of.
Firstly, I cooked dinner, a decent dinner that wasn't over done, or under done or that I had to rely on someone else to finish for me.  In the past if I was asked to make dinner I'd start it up and watch it for a little bit then I'd go and sit down and the wife would finish it up for me.  Now that that is not longer the case I was actually quite surprised at what I did and that I was able to do it properly.
The first actual dinner I made was the other night (Sunday night) and was a simple salad with Italian dressing as the starter, with green beans and veal cutlets as the main course.  I was proud of myself for putting it together with few problems and the little guy really enjoyed the food.  Since then I've gone on to number two with salad (can't skip out on the greens) with honey garlic chicken thighs and corn pieces.  I'm not finding cooking as scary as I once used to.
I've also now made it through my first full week of living on my own and by my own hand.  I've done some parenting and am getting back on track as far as keeping him in check for his behavior.
As for the apartment, there are still a number of things that I need to do and that I want to get done but that's more a matter of money than anything else.  For the main points I've got what I need to keep things going and to create a solid base to move upward from.

Before it comes up as a question (by anyone who might potentially read this) not all my backward information is going to be about my ex-wife.  I do want to put some of the information about what I went through with her up so that my past emotions are shown for what they were, at the same time I want to show how they've changed (if they've changed) with where I am now.

Peace,

ClX

My Second Blog

This is the first post in a second blog that I'm starting about the life of a single father.
My motivation behind creating a blog surrounding single fatherhood is due to the fact that, well, I'm a single father, as of very recently...beginning of July recently.
A little background.
I was married and at this point am only separated from my wife. Nearly reached 4 years.

Why am I single?
The wife cheated on me. We spent a year trying to work it out after wards but in the end I wasn't able to build up the trust that I had in her before and so we decided to put the marriage to rest.

Am I bitter about what she did?
Not anymore. I was at first but over the course of the year we tried to work it all out I lost the anger and resentment that I had towards her, I just didn't feel I was able to trust her anymore. We still talk and are on a close friend basis, at this point I don't want anything further from her.

How do I feel about my current situation?
At first I was a little scared, at the same time I was also a little excited. Scared about how I was going to do everything that my little guy needed done for him. Excited about not having a mountain of stress and crap in my life that I felt was slowing me down to the Nth degree. There is still some fear there. Still a little concerned that I am going to make ends meet and provide what I want and what my son needs to be able to live a productive life and have a good childhood.

I this this is a good spot to stop for now. I don't want to go too in depth right off the start and scare away any potential readers. There is still stuff I want to cover from the few weeks leading up to my physical separation from my wife as well as the apartment hunting, packing, moving, getting setup and various other aspects and areas of what I am doing, dealing with and going through.
I actually wrote a mission statement for this entire idea last night that I may at some point get posted up here. For now I leave it as is.

Peace,

ClX