The Tooth Fairy and and Old Man

I want to set a precedence early on with this blog.  I have some ideas on what I want to write about from day to day (though I may not post an entry every day) based on what is and had happened to me.  There is a lot that I want to cover and a lot I want to get out so that others can use it, hopefully, in a way that is able to assist them.  Rarely though will I know for sure what I'm going to write about until I sit down and start the blog.  I don't want readers to get the idea that my next post is going to be about 'how red balloons actually make boys go faster' or 'what I did to make sure my son turned out to be city worker'.  There may be times that I do give an indication on what I'm going to post the next time around but that will be a rare occasion and odds are it will only happen if there is something that I really feel needs to be covered in a near immediate fashion.

Tooth Fairy
Last night I got to play Tooth Fairy for the first time.  It wasn't for his first lost tooth though, his first tooth was lost the beginning of July when he was visiting my sister and her boyfriend for a week and he happened to swallow it.  This time around the tooth came right out in his breakfast cereal so there was no problems in that area, we had a tooth to exchange for money.
The problem with being the Tooth Fairy, I find, is the sneaky part.  Creeping into your kids room and switching a tooth in exchange for money.  Granted the kid is excited about what they get the next morning but the whole process seems a little strange.  Does it not seem odd for a small woman, a fairy, to steal into a child's room at night and take their teeth away to some mysterious fate and in exchange the kids is left some pocket change.
There is that inevitable question, what does the tooth fairy do with the teeth.
I've heard some imaginative and inventive answers, I've not had to come up with an answer yet since the question hasn't been asked to me.  Do I know what I would answer, when I am asked?  Not yet and not really, I'll make it up as I go along.
Was I happy to be able to be the tooth fairy for my little guy?
For sure.  It's exciting to see how such little things can matter and really make an impact on them as they grow and get older.  At some point he'll find out the truth and realize that it was made-up kid stuff but until then its something exciting he gets to be part of and all he has to do is grow.

An Old Man
This is something that falls in a bridge between Forward and Backward (see previous post).  The old man that I'm speaking of is my boss at work, Bud.  He's an excellent man to talk to because of his life experience and people skills.  At 76 years old he's still going strong and at this point could easily match people half his age in a lot of ways.
Why am I bringing up Bud in this blog?
Because I've talked to him about my current situation.  He's aware of the point I am in within my life and the obstacles I have ahead of me as well as behind me.  He's aware of what I went through with my ex-wife as well as what she is doing at this point forward.  I've gotten some interesting and curious insights from him, at the same time he's given me areas to look into and think about that I otherwise would have overlooked had I not had the chance to interact with him.  My main reason for bringing him up though is because of something that happened yesterday, while talking with him, that made me think a little in a new direction.
How things have changed between older and newer generations when it comes to relationships and marriage.
Along the subject of unfaithful spouse (obviously my ex-wife was the topic of discussion, at this point I want to point out it was a conversation about how it happened and why she might have done it, it wasn't a negative conversation along the lines of "I hate her...she's evil", more of a philosophical discussion on the topic).
Bud made it clear that if there was even the slightest indication, to him, that his wife had ever cheated on him, just the slightest, he would have been up and gone in a second.  To me that seems a little harsh and quick to act.  In my mind that would be the exact reason a relationship would fall apart, something happening that may actually be mistaken by one party and the whole thing just implodes.
In my marriage there was a lay over period, a working point where I tried to gather as much information as I could to ensure that things weren't mistaken, that I wasn't getting the wrong in incorrect information, that I wasn't just linking things together that shouldn't have actually have been linked together because of paranoia.
That's where I saw a difference, at least between myself and Bud.  He's a very strong individual and very driven to be active and keep himself going, for the most part I am too, in different ways than him but with the same overall goals.  I know that I'm more laid back and contemplative toward my goals where he is very push to get to it and its clearly worked for him.
I'm happy that I took the time to look into what was happening with my ex-wife, I didn't like a lot of what I found but it erased a lot of the questions and unsurity (I don't think that's a real word) that I had when I confronted her about what was going on and allowed me to clearly decide on my next steps forward.
My approach may not have been for everyone but I'm glad I took it.

For now.

Peace,

ClX

Backward and Forward

I want to fill in a little more background information on what I'm going through before moving forward into what is happening now and some of the things I've accomplished for myself.

Backward
Honestly at first I was really hateful that my wife would cheat on me with an ex-boyfriend of hers.  At the time I would have been happy if she'd fallen off a cliff or ended up dead due to some horrible, random, accident.  I got over it with time.  When I say I got over it I mean that I don't hate her anymore.
Does that mean that I've forgiven what she's done?
Yes and no.  I've come to terms with it but it doesn't mean that I've completely forgiven her for it and I truly don't know if I ever will.  I was incredibly happy with her and 'our' family (there are reasons that I will explain in a future post for our being tagged).  I loved her and truly enjoyed the time I spent with her.  When I found out what she had done and what she was continuing to do I crushed me.  It really hurt me bad.  To her it was a big joke, she laughed and joked about what she was doing, writing email messages on how horribly fun it is to do what she was doing.
It was very difficult for me to understand and even now I don't entirely get it, I'm not sure if I ever will.
Today though I'm good.  I still get hit every so often with some pain from what she did, the good ol' ego sticking it to me I suspect.  I deal with it though, I try and find the positive and work my way around it.

Forward
More recently I've made a few accomplishments in my life that I am proud of.
Firstly, I cooked dinner, a decent dinner that wasn't over done, or under done or that I had to rely on someone else to finish for me.  In the past if I was asked to make dinner I'd start it up and watch it for a little bit then I'd go and sit down and the wife would finish it up for me.  Now that that is not longer the case I was actually quite surprised at what I did and that I was able to do it properly.
The first actual dinner I made was the other night (Sunday night) and was a simple salad with Italian dressing as the starter, with green beans and veal cutlets as the main course.  I was proud of myself for putting it together with few problems and the little guy really enjoyed the food.  Since then I've gone on to number two with salad (can't skip out on the greens) with honey garlic chicken thighs and corn pieces.  I'm not finding cooking as scary as I once used to.
I've also now made it through my first full week of living on my own and by my own hand.  I've done some parenting and am getting back on track as far as keeping him in check for his behavior.
As for the apartment, there are still a number of things that I need to do and that I want to get done but that's more a matter of money than anything else.  For the main points I've got what I need to keep things going and to create a solid base to move upward from.

Before it comes up as a question (by anyone who might potentially read this) not all my backward information is going to be about my ex-wife.  I do want to put some of the information about what I went through with her up so that my past emotions are shown for what they were, at the same time I want to show how they've changed (if they've changed) with where I am now.

Peace,

ClX

My Second Blog

This is the first post in a second blog that I'm starting about the life of a single father.
My motivation behind creating a blog surrounding single fatherhood is due to the fact that, well, I'm a single father, as of very recently...beginning of July recently.
A little background.
I was married and at this point am only separated from my wife. Nearly reached 4 years.

Why am I single?
The wife cheated on me. We spent a year trying to work it out after wards but in the end I wasn't able to build up the trust that I had in her before and so we decided to put the marriage to rest.

Am I bitter about what she did?
Not anymore. I was at first but over the course of the year we tried to work it all out I lost the anger and resentment that I had towards her, I just didn't feel I was able to trust her anymore. We still talk and are on a close friend basis, at this point I don't want anything further from her.

How do I feel about my current situation?
At first I was a little scared, at the same time I was also a little excited. Scared about how I was going to do everything that my little guy needed done for him. Excited about not having a mountain of stress and crap in my life that I felt was slowing me down to the Nth degree. There is still some fear there. Still a little concerned that I am going to make ends meet and provide what I want and what my son needs to be able to live a productive life and have a good childhood.

I this this is a good spot to stop for now. I don't want to go too in depth right off the start and scare away any potential readers. There is still stuff I want to cover from the few weeks leading up to my physical separation from my wife as well as the apartment hunting, packing, moving, getting setup and various other aspects and areas of what I am doing, dealing with and going through.
I actually wrote a mission statement for this entire idea last night that I may at some point get posted up here. For now I leave it as is.

Peace,

ClX